The not-so-gentle art: Jiu jitsu, like all combat sports, aspires towards maximum efficiency in physical output. It strives to use the least amount of energy to get the job done. This is often misconstrued to mean that everything should appear effortless and flowing in execution. It is certainly true that for the majority of any given match your body ought to be fairly relaxed and loose to allow efficient movement, but there are definitely times when you want to exert near maximal muscular contraction and for short . THIS is part of the to true efficiency. If you are too relaxed when applying a submission hold and the escapes – then you have to all over again – necessitating the repeated expenditure of a large amount of energy and potential of losing. There is nothing efficient about that. True efficiency is being relaxed when appropriate (usually the majority of the match) but also tight when appropriate (usually for short bursts when scoring or finishing). This way you don't waste energy getting to a scoring or finishing situation and fail due to lack of tight connection/power and then have to repeat yourself all over again. One burst of near maximal energy output that ends a match is not as fatiguing as twenty minutes of relaxed sparring that requires you to keep going and going due to repeatedly failing to or because you were too loose at the critical moment. So yes, stay relaxed most of the time – but when it's time to – GO